Most of us feel lonely sometimes, whether we’re in a relationship or not, but being a single parent and doing everything on your own can be especially isolating (not to mention, exhausting). You might find that you feel more lonely around the holidays, when your friends are busy with their families and have less time to talk or meet up. And, if you share custody of your child with an ex-partner, you might be missing your little one too.
Sometimes, these feelings can be made worse by scrolling on social media. The holidays are a time when people tend to post a lot of festive highlights, so your feed might be a never-ending stream of people enjoying themselves, while making it all look so easy. Seeing this can lead you to compare your own situation and make you feel inadequate in some way.
Although loneliness isn’t a mental health disorder, it can contribute to mental health issues, like depression and self-esteem issues, so it’s important that you address these feelings early-on. As a single parent, it can be difficult to find time for yourself, and you might feel guilty about putting your own needs first, but you’re allowed to prioritise your mental health, and doing this will benefit your children too.
Signs of loneliness
How to cope with loneliness
Reach out to someone you're close to and try to arrange a time to talk, either in-person or on the phone. You might want to let them know that you need some good ‘adult conversation’ so they can get in the right frame of mind and make enough time to chat. You could let them know that you’ve been feeling lonely lately and it would be great to make plans more regularly.
Social media can make comparisons all too easy, especially around the holidays, when people are having a lot of family time and posting about it. If you’re feeling lonely, posts like this can be difficult to see.
Notice how using social media makes you feel. Afterwards, do you have negative thoughts, or find yourself feeling sad and isolated? If the answer’s yes, it might be a good idea to limit your time on the apps. You could remove them from your home screen or delete them temporarily so you’re less tempted to scroll.
Remember, people aren’t always up-front about how they’re really feeling on social media. Social media tends to be a highlight reel, showing the ‘best bits’ of a person’s life without the more difficult parts.
Putting your kids first is commendable, but it’s essential for you to prioritise yourself sometimes too. There’s a big difference between finding the time and making the time. It’s okay to book a babysitter so that you can go out or take a day off work to yourself while your kids are at school. Use the time to do something that is relaxing or makes you feel good, without worrying about everyone else for a change.
It’s okay to feel lonely as a single parent. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love your children or enjoy their company. Different relationships are fulfilling in different ways and we need a mix of them to fill our cup. Needing to have an adult conversation where you can off-load and feel heard is completely normal.
Speak to yourself with kindness and try not to guilt trip yourself. Read more about being a better friend to yourself here.
It can help to talk to people who understand what you’re going through. If you don’t have other single parents around you, you could think about joining a support group - here’s a few we’ve found:
Gingerbread is run by single parent volunteers. It offers single parent families in England and Wales the chance to get together and support each other, both in-person and online.
Single Parents Support and Advice Services (SPSAS) offers safe spaces for single mums and dads or anyone else raising a child alone. It was set up to help, advise and support single parents
Single Parents Wellbeing is a peer-led community run by single parents for single parent families to improve the mental wellbeing of people who are raising a child alone.
If loneliness is causing you to struggle with your mental health, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help you to get back on track. At ieso, we offer typed CBT for a range of mental health issues, from anxiety to depression. Our service is flexible and confidential. Find out more about what we do.
Mental health affects us all. This means it's essential that mental health services are equally available to everyone, everywhere. This World Mental Health Day, 10th October, we explore the right to access care.
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