You know the feeling; you’ve said yes to a party invite, but now you’re absolutely dreading it. You can’t stop worrying about what to wear, what to bring, what to talk about, and you’re racking your brains for a good excuse to cancel. In other words, you’re experiencing social anxiety.
Social anxiety, or social phobia, is an overwhelming fear of social situations. When you have social anxiety, talking to strangers or in front of groups of people can be very difficult. You might feel like there’s a spotlight on you and everyone is looking and judging. This can make you feel really self-conscious; you might become hyper-aware of how you’re coming across or worried that people will notice how anxious you are, when really they’re not taking any notice. This makes it hard to focus on what’s going on around you.
It’s not surprising then, that social anxiety can make going to parties and nights out incredibly difficult. There’s usually a lot of people at a party and you might not know everyone there, but this doesn’t mean that you should turn down every invite. Instead of avoiding the event (which can make your anxiety worse in the long-run), try to manage your feelings by preparing for it beforehand. Having a plan will help to alleviate some of your nerves.
Here’s how to approach your next party or night out, step by step.
Before the event:
Often with social anxiety, people worry about doing something embarrassing and being judged by others. This can make decisions like what to wear, what to bring and when to arrive or leave difficult. It’s a good idea to give yourself plenty of time to think about these things, so that you’re not panicking on the day.
Talking to people can be nerve-wracking, especially if you don’t know them. Before the event, have a think about some different ways to open up a conversation. Giving someone a compliment on their outfit or commenting on the weather can be a good way to break the ice.
You could also prepare a few ‘small talk’ conversation ideas in case you get stuck on what to say. Most people will engage with topics like popular sports, trending TV shows or current events.
Remember, when you’re talking to someone, keep the conversation flowing by asking questions based on the information they’re giving you. For example, if someone says that they’ve just been on holiday, ask them where and whether they’d recommend the destination.
On the way:
When you’re on your way to a party or night out is when the nerves can really kick in. Instead of walking or driving in silence, try to distract yourself by listening to music or a podcast.
At the event:
Scary, we know. But instead of hiding away and focusing on yourself, try to get involved in some way. You could smile at someone, join in with a conversation or offer the host help with handing out drinks and snacks. Remember, if you slip up and say the wrong thing, it isn’t a big deal. There’s no perfect way to be in a social situation.
It’s tempting to have a drink when you’re anxious, but be mindful about how much alcohol you’re consuming, as alcohol can increase feelings of anxiety the next day.
After the event:
After an event, you might focus on everything that ‘went wrong’. Instead, try to turn this around by thinking about what went well or what went okay (as in, it wasn’t completely awful). Hopefully, this will help you to see things in a more positive light.
CBT for social anxiety
If you’re suffering with symptoms of social anxiety, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help. During CBT, you’ll work with a therapist to challenge the beliefs and views that you have about yourself in social situations and learn effective coping strategies.
At ieso, we offer online typed CBT, which is where the patient and therapist ‘speak’ by typing back and forward. This is usually a really good option for people experiencing social anxiety, as there’s no face-to-face contact involved. You can also join therapy sessions from your home or anywhere that you have an internet connection, so you don’t have to travel. Find out more about CBT with ieso.
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