How many times have you said “I don’t have time” when it comes to doing something that would benefit your wellbeing?
Taking care of ourselves is fundamental to our physical and mental health, and yet it’s often pushed to the bottom of our list. We tend to be so busy with things like work, chores and caring for others, that it can be extremely difficult to carve out time for ourselves.
It might not be intentional, but when we neglect self-care, we can feel anxious, stressed and irritable. We might also struggle to concentrate and sleep. All of this adds up and it can have an impact on how we feel about ourselves and affect our relationships.
Emily’s story
Emily* started working from home during the pandemic and found it hard to set boundaries between work and her personal life. She struggled to switch off her laptop and notifications, working late every night and sometimes into the weekend, which left no time for self-care.
“When you work in an office, you leave at a certain time, but at home my laptop was right there and I found myself carrying on until the late hours, without giving myself time to relax at the end of the day.”
Living this way made Emily feel increasingly stressed, overwhelmed and burnt out. She had a heavy workload which meant that there was always more to do, and she found it hard to justify taking time to relax, socialise or getting an early night when she could be ticking tasks off her list.
When she wasn’t working, Emily felt mentally exhausted and had very little energy to do anything other than watch TV and scroll on social media. This had an impact on the amount of quality time that she spent with her husband, which took its toll on their relationship.
After months of living this way, Emily started to suspect that her immune system might be run down due to her lack of resting. She caught three colds within the space of ten weeks, but despite this, she didn’t take time off work to recover, reasoning that she was already working from home and that she didn’t want to get behind.
“I almost felt claustrophobic, like there was no way out of the situation. I started to get a sense that this isn’t how life should be.”
Eventually, Emily decided that something had to change. She spoke to a friend about the situation and realised that she needed to set firmer boundaries between work and her home life. She set herself a goal to stop working overtime so that she had enough time to rest and do nice things with her husband.
“I’ve found that setting boundaries is much easier said than done. It’s so easy to slip back into old habits and I have to be firm with myself, but when I do stick to them, it feels really good.”
Although she admits that she’s “not totally there yet”, since Emily’s identified the problem and taken steps towards improving her work-life balance, she’s felt less stressed and overwhelmed. She has a better routine and recognises how important it is to make time for self-care for her mental and physical health.
Lorna, a CBT therapist at ieso says…
“There are many different reasons why people struggle with self-care. It can be a sign or symptom of an underlying mental health difficulty like Depression which CBT can help with. Sometimes it’s just not something that’s seen as important or prioritised. Self-care looks different for everybody but when we take care of our own needs it makes managing life’s stresses easier and we’re able to give so much more to the people and things in our lives that we care about. CBT can help you to identify when and why you might be struggling to prioritise self-care, the impact that’s having, and then work with you try and change that for the better.”
Spotting signs of burnout
When we feel stressed for long periods of time and we don’t get enough rest, we can feel mentally exhausted and burnt out. This can present itself with physical, behavioural and emotional symptoms, for instance:
A note on self-neglect
Self-neglect is a vast spectrum and there’s a big difference between struggling to find time to rest and neglecting your basic needs to the point that it threatens your personal health and safety. If you suspect that someone is struggling to care for themselves or manage their own affairs, you can contact the adult social services in your area for help.
Self-care that works for you
There isn’t just one way to take care of your wellbeing; we don’t all have the same amount of time and different things work for different people. It’s a good idea to try out a few self-care ideas to find out what works for you. If you’re stuck on where to start, try asking yourself these questions:
Remember that self-care isn’t selfish, and the more rested you are, the more able you are to support the people around you.
If you’re struggling with your mental health, as a result of self-neglect or for any other reason, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help you to get back on track. Refer yourself for typed CBT with ieso here.
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