Supporting a loved one with PTSD

Do you have a friend or family member who’s experiencing PTSD? It can be really difficult to see someone you love going through a hard time with their mental health. Although you can’t fix the situation, your support can make a real difference to their recovery. We’ve put together some suggestions for how you can be there for a loved one who has PTSD.  

Learn about PTSD

The more that you know about PTSD, the better equipped you’ll be to support someone who’s experiencing it. It can help to get to know the symptoms, the possible effects on mental health and different treatment options. Taking the time to research PTSD will also show your loved one that you want to be there for them, which can help them to feel less alone. To get you started, we’ve written about understanding PTSD here.

Look out for changes

If a loved one is experiencing symptoms of PTSD, you might notice changes in their mood and behaviour, for instance:  

• They seem upset, low, anxious, irritable or angry.

• They seem detached from friends and family.

• They’re no longer interested in the things that they used to be.

• They’re easily startled and/or hyper-vigilant.  

• They’re abusing substances.  

If you become aware of these changes, it’s a good idea to check in on the person, ask them how they are and if they want to talk.  

Be there to listen

If your loved one isn’t ready to talk about their trauma, it’s important not to push them. Instead, let them know that when they do want to talk, you want to listen. Here are some things to consider if they choose to open up to you:

• Don’t rush them. Allow them to speak in their own time.  

• It’s okay if you don’t have the answers, you just need to listen.

• If they get upset when talking about what’s happened, let them know that’s okay and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.  

• Be careful not to dismiss their experiences or question what they could have done differently.

Get to know their triggers

PTSD symptoms are triggered by things that remind the person of the trauma that they experienced. Triggers can be external, like sights, sounds or places, or they can be internal, like thoughts or emotions.

It’s helpful to know what someone’s triggers are so that you can prevent or avoid them if possible. It can also help you to deal with the situation if the person is triggered. For instance, if they’re triggered by loud noises, you would know to take them somewhere quiet.

Be patient

It takes time to recover from PTSD. It’s not something that you can just move on from or forget about. Remember, the road to recovery isn’t always linear; your loved one could have setbacks but that doesn’t mean that progress hasn’t been made. Be patient and celebrate the small wins with them.  

Encourage them to seek support

While you can’t force someone to get professional help, you can encourage them and support them during the process. Perhaps you could offer to take them to a doctor’s appointment so that they don’t have to go alone or help them to make a list of questions that they want to ask at the appointment. You could also find and suggest resources and organisations that support people with PTSD, such as:

• PTSD UK - https://www.ptsduk.org  

• ASSIST Trauma Care - assisttraumacare.org.uk  

• Birth Trauma Association - birthtraumaassociation.org  

• Combat Stress - https://www.combatstress.org.uk/

• Freedom from Torture - https://www.freedomfromtorture.org/

• National Association for People Abused in Childhood - https://www.napac.org.uk/

If you think that your loved one is a threat to themselves, or in the case of a medical emergency, call 999.

Look after your mental health

When a loved one is experiencing PTSD, it can affect you too. You might feel overwhelmed, upset or confused by the person’s symptoms. You might feel helpless because you can’t change the situation or worried that things will never go back to how they used to be.

All of your focus might be on your loved one’s mental health, but it’s really important that you look after yours too. Here are some things that you can do for yourself:

• Pay attention to how you’re feeling; do you feel more down, anxious, irritable or upset than usual? It’s important to check in with yourself so that you can recognise when you might be struggling with your mental health.  

• Practice self-care to de-stress. This could look like sticking to a healthy routine and getting plenty of sleep, plus doing something that allows you to unwind, like meditating, reading or breathing exercises.

• Talk to someone you trust. You might want to be careful about how much you share about the person you’re supporting, but talking to a friend or family member can help you to feel supported too.

• Take a break when you need to. While you want to be there for your loved one, you have to think about your own needs too. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to take time for yourself. You might also want to consider putting some boundaries in place - read about that here.  

• Seek professional help. If you’re experiencing a mental health issue, talking therapy can help. ieso offers typed cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) for a range of mental health disorders, including anxiety and depression and PTSD. Patients can speak to a therapist online by typing back and forward, or we can offer video calls in some locations. Find out more about what we do.

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