Going through a breakup can be really difficult, even if you’re the one who’s chosen to end things. You may experience a rollercoaster of emotions, and some of these can last for a long time. There’s also the practical side of things; maybe you lived together or spent a lot of time with each other’s families, meaning that when you break up, your social life, living and financial circumstances are impacted.
All things considered, it’s not surprising that many people feel as though their world has been turned upside down after a breakup. You’re not only saying goodbye to a partner, which is hard and confusing enough, you’re also closing that chapter of your life. So, even if splitting up feels like the right thing to do, the process of moving on can be painful and it can take a while for you to get back on your feet.
Like all stressful life events, a breakup can take its toll on your wellbeing. After a relationship ends, it’s normal to go through a whole spectrum of emotions, from sadness to anger, loneliness, hopelessness and sometimes even relief, depending on the circumstances.
Another common emotion that people feel is grief. A breakup is a loss; you’re losing a meaningful person in your life and the prospect of a future together, and it’s natural to mourn this. Breakups affect everyone differently and there’s no right or wrong way to feel, but it’s healthy to acknowledge and process your emotions as this will help you to move on.
How significantly a breakup impacts your mental health can depend on the circumstances around you. If you’re going through a stressful time outside of your relationship ending, you may find it harder to get over the breakup as it can bring other negative emotions to the surface or exacerbate how you’re already feeling.
Even if everything else in your life is running smoothly, a breakup can still cause short-term adjustment disorders, like situational anxiety or depression, which manifest following a stressful event. You may also experience self-esteem issues or worry that there’s something wrong with you and that you won’t find love again. It’s important to remember that most of us will go through at least one breakup in our lives and that doesn’t mean that we’re unlovable. More often than not, that person or the relationship timing just isn’t right for us.
When going through a breakup, there might be times when you question whether you’ll ever be able to move on, but try to be patient with yourself. There’s no set length of time for how long it takes to get over a relationship and it’s different for everyone. But eventually, you will be able to put it behind you and you may even find that positives come from the situation, like learning more about yourself and what you want from future relationships.
In the meantime, there are things that you can do to help yourself move on while building your self-esteem and protecting your mental health. You’re bound to have good and bad days, so try not to be too hard on yourself if you slip up or take a step backwards. The most important thing is that you show yourself kindness and patience during this difficult time.
Helpful resources
If you are currently going through a breakup, the following websites can offer support and guidance that might be helpful:
For more information about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and mental health resources, visit ieso’s website.
Mental health affects us all. This means it's essential that mental health services are equally available to everyone, everywhere. This World Mental Health Day, 10th October, we explore the right to access care.
This week is National Work Life Week, a campaign led by the charity, Working Families, to get people talking about wellbeing at work and work-life balance.
Have you noticed a change in a friend or family member’s behaviour or mindset? Maybe they’re isolating themselves, worrying more than usual or acting erratically. Here are some tips on how you can support them.